Good Kids...Or Good Parents?

When our flight from London to SF landed after nearly 11 hours in the air, I complimented the young mom and dad next to me. “You’re such wonderful parents!” I offered. I had been observing them for much of the flight.

A woman a few rows back gleamed at the parents: “Yes! Your kids were SO well behaved!” she gushed about the 18-month and three-year-old girls whose mostly-quiet cooperation was being praised.

I just smiled and nodded.

Because I know something that woman didn’t:

It was actually the parents who were “good.” The kids were just responding.

And fortunately for the kids, for the parents, and for everybody else on that long flight, the parents were very quietly and calmly meeting their kids’ needs. It was a pleasure to witness.

So here’s what I offer you today: There are no BAD kids. Or GOOD kids. Just kids who are trying to get their needs met.

(Some kids are more compliant than others, but that's the topic for another post!)

Are there BAD parents? For sure. We see their neglect and or abuse on the news all the time.

Are there GOOD parents? Absolutely YES! And those parents are you and I doing the best we can with what we have.

And our kids respond accordingly.

But, of course, sometimes--perhaps often--we fail. Sometimes we can’t be so calm or collected or have planned ahead quite that well. Sometimes we can’t figure out how to be the parent we want to be, even when we can see the goal right in front of us. Sometimes when parenting is really challenging, we can’t even SEE the goal.

The amazing news is WE CAN LEARN to be better. And do better. We can learn to have the kind of calm I witnessed today. Whether our kids are little ones who are crying because they don’t have words, or big ones who challenge us every day with their confusing and scary behaviors.

Right now maybe you can’t even imagine that. You’re thinking, how can I be calm when my kid is screaming in an airport, or saying rude things to me every time I say a single word, or lying about homework, or refusing to even talk to me at all? How is that even possible?

That’s OK. *I* know it’s possible. It was possible for me to learn, even when my kids were big and doing all kinds of pretty frustrating and scary things. And it’s been possible for many families whose transformations I’ve witnessed as a coach.

If you’re longing for a calmer, more connected family life and are ready to begin that journey, let's have a chat. Click below to schedule a call. And we'll take it from there.