Kids--and plants--thrive when you give them the right environment

This year my kids turned 20 and 22. 

The good news is they're doing fine.

The other news (good or bad, depending on how you look at it): I’m not done being a parent yet. 

It’s hilarious if not a bit insane that I undertook the job of motherhood without a guide. Sure, there are books. There is advice up wazoo, whether you like it or not. But so many things come up, so many questions and emotions and So. Much. Stress. I wasn’t prepared for an awful lot of it. I so often felt I didn’t know what I was doing. Was this right? Oh, no, I blew that one. And that one. And that one. I was trying as hard as I could to be a great mom, but so often felt like I was coming up short. 

This year, well into middle age, I decided I would try to grow tomatoes. For the past two years, I had managed to keep several indoor plants not only alive but kind of thriving, so I thought, heck maybe it’s time to grow some food. 

So I bought a single tomato plant. Then I found out you have to use a special kind of soil for vegetables. News to me! Then I had to figure out, how often do I water it? And then how much water do I give it? What if it’s been sunny all week? Or foggy? Was that enough water? Oh no, maybe it was too much. Wait, is that a sunny enough spot? Oh, no, it seems I need to move it over there. Nope it was better back over there. Hmmm…now the leaves look funny. That’s a weird gray color. Other people are getting fruit. I’m getting nothing. Where are my freaking tomatoes?

How the heck am I supposed to learn how to grow tomatoes?!

You might be all green-thumby over there, thinking “That shit is easy. I grew 5,000 tomatoes this year.” But I bet you had some learning to do at some point. And maybe you got lucky. And maybe next year the tomato crop will suck. Or maybe you’ll plant a different kind of tomato plant and have a whole new series of questions. And you’ll think of me and my sad tomato plant.

You may also think of me and my sad tomato plant when you remember this: When we’re trying to grow a plant, we don’t expect the plant to nurture itself. We don’t expect the plant to solve its lack of water or overwatering problem. We don’t expect the plant to self-diagnose or move itself into the sun. We don’t even get mad at the plant! It’s doing the best it can do under the circumstances we have given it. So instead we wonder, and try to discover, how can I ensure my plant has everything it needs to live up to its potential? How can I best meet its needs?

Just like WE, as parents, get to do the work of parenting. We get to envision a vibrant, thriving kid and then do the work of creating the environment, in each of our unique families, that allows for that to happen. We get to examine ourselves and how our families function so we can make adjustments that best serve our children. Our families. And ourselves.

I know it because I did it. I was giving parenting everything I had, and I was failing in so many ways.  I got to the end of what I could figure out on my own, and none of it was working. So I made some changes. I got a guide, a coach, and I learned how to create that nurturing environment I so desperately wanted to give my kids. Was it easy? Nope. But was it possible? Hell yes!

It was possible for me. And it's possible for you.

Unlike growing tomatoes, raising kids is a job unique to each family. To each parent. To each kid. There is no app that allows you to take a pic of your kid and find out what you’re doing right. Or wrong. All the books in the world, all of the advice on the internet or from your friends or family, will not teach you how to best parent your child. 

That's because information is education. Coaching is what will lead you to transformation. 

If you’re struggling to provide the environment in your family that allows your kids to THRIVE, all that information isn’t enough. What you need is a coach that can help the unique you best parent your unique kids in your unique family!

Back to the good news/bad news thing.

Yes, it’s good news we’re not done parenting. Because, in other good news, it’s not too late to learn. Wherever you are in your parenting journey, even if your kids are grown, it’s not too late to become the mom you want to be. It’s not too late to create the relationship you want with your child. There is still plenty of room for you to grow and blossom, so your child can do the same. 

Last week I finally got a few tomatoes. The plant is perking up. My brown thumb is turning a little bit green. And I’m just learning. Next year’s crop will be better. I know it. 

If I can learn how to raise two kinda fabulous young adults, if I can grow and learn and continue becoming the mom I want to be, I sure as heck can learn how to grow a tomato plant.

It's pretty rewarding to grow a healthy tomato plant, but it's a gazillion times more rewarding to raise healthy, happy kids. If you're ready to start your journey towards creating the environment that allows your kids to thrive, let’s chat. Click "Schedule a call" below.